Over the last couple of years there have been all manners of tribute paid to the year 2012. To the uninitiated, it corresponds to the end of the Mayan calendar, prophesizing the end of the world. As that date draws closer there’s sure to be considerable fear-mongering going on. I hope that no one reading this is buying into that panic. Rational people like you and I must work to dispel such nonsense so that we can contend with the problems of the real world, such as the ACTUAL end of the world in late 2016. Allow me to explain.
A few years ago I was enjoying one of many cool, crisp Sierra Nevada Pale Ales. Ordinarily this would produce double vision, but on that fateful day I finally saw this world clearly for the first time. As I drunkenly examined the pastoral imagery on the label, I noticed something that had previously eluded me:
Don’t see it? Look a bit closer:
It seemed curious to me that they would include a signpost in the center of the artwork when there is no reasonable way the human eye could read it. Intrigued, I took a picture of the label, uploaded it into photoshop and yelled “ENHANCE!” just like they do on “C.S.I.” until something legible arose:
In my wildest dreams I expected cracking this puzzle would uncover an inside joke at the brewery or maybe win a Wonka-esque sweepstakes to visit the brewery, but this was far more ominous. This was clearly a warning. Moroever, this warning was clearly signed…but by who?
Little did I know that vague curiosity would give way to a revelation that I’ve since given years of my life to detailing. I can say with total certainty that “B” with the beer stein handle is nothing less than the mark of the Brewminati, a highly secretive and megalomaniacal
group of brewers and politicians charged to bring about a new world order using beer. I cannot say if they are forging utopia or hell on earth, but it is clear either could be within their reach.
Need more proof? Consider that the sign must have a double meaning. “The End” is obviously a reference to the culmination of their master plan, but why say that without a hint to how near is it? If we also take “The End” as a reference to the beer itself, it is probably a gesture to the ale’s ending gravity (a measurement of the remaining unfermented sugars) as 4.0 Plato. 4.0 Plato converts to a gravity measurement of 1.016, a TRANSPARENT reference to October of 2016 (10/16!!!!).
The end is near indeed…